Labour of love
So after what has been a large grey patch in politics on the red side, we’ve found ourselves some drama!
It seemed the time had come for David Milliband to claim Labour’s throne. Here was a man who had charmed his way into the heart of Hilary Clinton, so surely these charms would be more than sufficient to become leader of the opposition? The competition also wasn’t the stiffest it could have been. On one side was Ed Balls, who had spent his political career as Brown’s number one fan but began condemning his tenure before Brown had even got on his flight back to bonny Scotland. Then there was Dianne Abbot, a woman who criticises her peers for not sending their children to state schools; despite proudly exclaiming that her son was privately educated so he didn’t succumb to the gang peer pressure that occurs in state schools. But when Ed decided to throw his hat into the ring, a nice bit of brotherly rivalry spiced up the contest.
So after the candidates were confirmed, the media began to get its teeth into the race. Public panels, character backgrounds and endless speculation ensued, all aided with 21st Century effects (like 3-D graphs), until there was little left to say. So little in fact, that you’d be forgiven for forgetting the whole thing was still happening.
But by the time it all finally came to a head, David was still the favourite. Like an unfashionable Oscar’s awards night, the candidates were all dressed up in their best ties and shiniest shoes. Their faces were glowing, although secretly they probably just wanted to get on with it by now. It was an extremely tight race between the two brothers, but Ed had come out on top to become Labour’s new leader. And as he stepped up to make his speech to the sounds of Vampire Weekend, there was certainly one man in the audience who must have been sick as a dog.
Behind the smiles and ‘love’ that exists between the two brothers, on the stage was a little brother, smugly looking on as if he’d received the better Christmas present. So David’s not playing anymore, instead he’ll be lurking in the shadows (not the shadow cabinet) perhaps laying out a few banana skins or putting a whoopee cushion underneath Ed’s chair. It’s a shame the two of them didn’t join forces to take on Clegg and Cameron in a cage fight. Now who would broadcast that? Sky or BBC…?